been awhile...

It's been awhile since I've posted. I've been avoiding writing. When I sit down and actually put my thoughts on paper..or the computer.. it makes me really think. I try to avoid my feelings for the most part but when I start writing there's no ignoring them.

feelings

feelings go from here to there
can't seem to get it right
i think of you all day
but it's not the same at night
my feelings change
my insight is new
how can i describe this
i need to be renewed

come restore me
come complete me
come fee me
come know me

soul mates?

Do you think people have soul mates? Can you really talk to a person one time and know that they're your soul mate? Or does it take some time? If it does take some time to know that you're soul mates, then why did it take so long? Shouldn't you just know when you meet them?

......

I never said thank you
I never showed you I cared
I never thought of you
I didn't even dare

I knew you'd break me
I knew you'd run
I knew you'd say the word
And then you'd be done

After all these years
And all these thoughts
Did you think of me
was I the one you sought

I'll always remember you
I can still feel your touch
I hope you know
That I loved you very much

Been thinking...

Derrick getting off laid off is turning out to be wonderful. Not only do we get more family time but also more alone time. I'm having feelings for him that I haven't in awhile. I feel like I did when we first met. I guess you could say I'm falling in love with him all over again.

Looking on the bright side

Since Derrick got laid off I've went through a ton of emotions. I've been pissed, hurt, fearful, scared, sad, excited, and those are just a few. When he called me to tell me he got laid off I didn't have any emotion. When he got home and he was pissed off I comforted him told, him it'd be ok, and just let him go through his emotions. All I could do was to be a supportive wife and give him all the love I could. I didn't get pissed and I didn't cry until he went to bed that night. The next morning I decided I needed to look at the bright side of the situation. He'll be home more so that means more family time. He can finally finish painting the bathroom and doing all the things on his "honey do" list lol Ivy will get to go to preschool without us worrying about how to pay for it. We'll be able to spend more quality time with each other and rekindle our realtionship. It's not the idea situation but I have to make the best of it.

Black and White pictures

Iris's journey....

Iris Lyllian was born 1 month premature. No complications with her or with myself. She just decided she wanted to come early and try her mommy and daddy :-) She is completely caught up with where she should be..she is 4 months old and doing everything a 4 month old should do. I didn't get to hold her for almost a whole day... I didn't know what torture was until then. Not holding your newborn baby for almost a day was torture. I don't know how some of these women do it with micro preemies?! All of my pregnancies (I've been pregnant 4 times) I've gone into preterm labor with two of them they were able to stop it, but with one of them I miscarried at 19 weeks. I am so blessed that Iris is doing as well as she is. I am so blessd to have two healthly happy children.

my thoughts...

as i grow older i don't see all the wrong turns i've taken, i see all the right turns i've made. i don't see all the things i've done wrong i see all the things i've done right and made right... if i dwelled on all the wrong things i've done i'd be the most depressed person you've ever seen. i choose to look at all the right things i've done, i choose to learn from my mistakes. i choose to learn from my wrongs and also my rights. i choose not to be defeated. i choose to stand up for what i believe, i choose to be who i am, i choose to show people who i am.

thinking....

may angels lead you in....

I've had a lot of ups and downs. And for the most part I'm okay with that. Of course there's somethings I wish I would have had better judgement on, but I don't regret anything. i feel every relationship I've had has made me a better wife, a better mother, and a better daughter. I've made a lot of mistakes and I own all of them. I don't aks for anyone's forgiveness except God's and I know i am forgiven. I know my strong points and my weakness now, it's up to me whether I decided to use my weak points to learn from and my strong points to grow on. I just hope you all will support me and give me your prayers and support.

Our Creative Gatlinburg Pics....Cades Cove

Some lyrics I like by Bob Dylan

Forever Young

May God bless and keep you always,
May your wishes all come true,
May you always do for others
And let others do for you.
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.

May you grow up to be righteous,
May you grow up to be true,
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you.
May you always be courageous,
Stand upright and be strong,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.

May your hands always be busy,
May your feet always be swift,
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift.
May your heart always be joyful,
May your song always be sung,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSpAWVa4Jak

Here's a link to the video...this was the best one I found.

Just to let you all know...(keep in mind it's late for me)

I am a very emotional person. I might now show it when I meet you or even if I've known you for awhile. I don't mean emotional in a whiny, bitchy, I cry all the time way either. Yes I do cry but it takes a lot to make me cry. Yes I do whine, but I usually have to be deathly ill or pregnant lol I mean emotional as in a feel for people type of way....I tend to relate to a lot of different people, I've lived a very full life at 27. I can relate to young moms, or even all moms, teenagers...especially the out of control ones, moms who have chosen adoption, drug addicts, the married , the homeless , and that's all I can think of now... there's probably a few more but this is only my second entry don't wanna give to much up lol.

Getting the hang of this....

I kinda like this blog thing. I thought maybe I wouldn't but I do. I can express myself on...it's nice.

My First Blog

So this is my blog. I guess I should tell you a little about myself. I have been married for 5 years and am a mom of 2 daughters, 3 yrs and 3 months. I am a stay at home mom ( SAHM for short, I'll reference this a lot later I'm sure) and I also work at home. I love doing anything outdoors... camping, hiking, gardening, going to the park with my girls, and just sitting down on my patio with a nice glass of wine. My husband is the greatest man alive...well sometimes lol Well that's all I have for now, I'm sure I'll think of more stuff later when I'm laying in bed. So I think things went well for my first blog entry, what do you all think?